I accidentally burped into my bong.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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