Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
