were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
