I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
