I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
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