Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
