porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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