No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize