just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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