I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
