Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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