Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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