The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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