He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
