yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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