Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize