btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
