Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize