It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
