Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Even my vagina gasped.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
