apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
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