i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
