whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
