I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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