I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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