Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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