I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize