She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
we made out on top of his cat.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
