I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
