There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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