i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
