The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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