i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
