dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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