The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
