Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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