So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
