Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
