I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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