you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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