Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
