I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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