Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I am naked and annoyed.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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