The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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