i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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