My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
