I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize