Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
