i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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