Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize