He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
