i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize