Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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