You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
