Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Randomize
