i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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