Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I want to fling myself into the sun
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
