Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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