When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
They took my balls.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
