I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
