flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
