i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
