just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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