she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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