Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
