This dress was meant to end up on your floor
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
