FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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