i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
