Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize