Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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