Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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