I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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