I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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