the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
