do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
