Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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