I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
