like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
