I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize