Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
