you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
