so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
