I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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