Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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