I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
