Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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