Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
