Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
