It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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