I wanna bring you to show and tell
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
