Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
as a side note pls kill me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize