Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
