R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
