i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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