no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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