i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
