I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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